escaleftor rantings

After living in the city for close to a year now, I've accumulated a mental list of things that people (namely, DC toursists) do on/around the Metro that annoy me to no end. A lot of you have probably heard of my escaleftor rants before, but here is the extended list (with more to come, I'm sure).

1. Escaleftors (and all things related to escalators)
This is going to have to occur in several parts.
a. The art of escalefting- I suppose I should begin by defining an escaleftor. The concept is quite simple: PEOPLE WHO STAND ON THE LEFT HAND SIDE. "What's wrong with this?" you ask. "It's a free country; I can stand wherever I want." Well no, actually you can't, due to something called common courtesy. If you're going to be a lazy ass, do so on the right side of the stairs, so that those of us who have places to be or like to get a little walking done can get where we need to...on the left. This is a habit usually perpetuated by tourists and their families who stand around with their visors, fanny packs, Washington DC sweatshirts, and Skechers shape-up shoes and possibly have some claim to ignorance. However, I'm just going to point out that escalators are not city exclusive, nor can you really claim ignorance- see my pissed off face (along with everyone else that is trying to walk around you)? The best part is when you say, "excuse me" in an obvious attempt to pass them, and the mother tries to stay rooted on the left side and shoots you a dirty look, like she is the wronged one. Too bad you didn't see your husband's head drop in shame as he realizes his mistake.

b. Standers
I guess that this isn't a huge issue...but the amount of people that correctly observe the rules of escalefting and choose to stand on the right convinces me that if we removed escalators and made people walk instead, America would be less fat. There are days when you're tired, I understand...but man, America is fat.

c. Esca...stoppers?
Don't stop walking when there are only 5 steps left to the top!!! Enough said.

2. Music Blasters
You know them. The ones that play music so loud that the entire car can hear them. It's usually some hardcore rap or hiphop (let's be honest, who blasts classical?) They might be wearing sunglasses, bobbing their heads to the beat of the bass, and sticking out a lower lip to look "hardcore"...Look. Nobody gives a crap. When I can hear Rihanna coming from your headphones OVER the sound of my own iPod's music, it's 7 am, I'm tired, and you've just invaded my personal music bubble, all I want to do is throw your mp3 player to the ground and stomp on it.

3. People who don't give up their seats.
I suppose this applies mainly to men, but could apply to anyone. When an 80 year old grandma or grandpa comes hobbling in on a cane, don't look around or rummage through your bag hoping that someone else will stand and give up their seat. Or how about when a woman comes in, clearly is being squashed amongst all the other passengers, and you're sitting, attempting to stare up her skirt? Didn't your mother teach you manners?